The sensation of being on a board in the ocean stays with you long after you get all the gritty sand off your feet. The pulling and tugging of a wave- it’s an experience your body doesn’t forget. I guess my mind is kind of like that, always pulling in one direction or another. My presence is in one sphere but my thoughts are in another. I’m in class listening to a lecture but my thoughts are pulled to the previous week with my Sweetheart. I’m walking to my apartment and my mind is pulled forward to games and events I want to have happen in the future. It’s hard for my conscious to linger in the preset, in the now. Supposedly this gives me empty yesterdays, but I’ll dwell on this day sometime in the future and I’ll get satisfactions from it then. Not that I don’t try to live in the present. I enjoy the simple things: a funny shaped cloud, an exciting game, a good meal with friends. People say you have to lose something to appreciate it, to experience tragedy, to feel full joy. I try to defy that. Can I appreciate everything even though I’ve hardly lost anything? Can I feel exalted joy everyday even though I hardly feel sorrow? I’m trying to. I suppose my constantly shifting mind doesn’t help that ambition. But that’s what goals are for, and what is life without goals.
Good job this week, Mary. I like your memories. I'm interested in the grandmother story. You do a good job making us feel sad. :)
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